Actually, I expected things to go very badly for me during this period, but things aren’t going that bad, they are actually going very well.
Writing assignment #41
Mommy
I once expected that if my mother died so young, I would completely collapse. I had such a good relationship with her, which I really miss. I spoke to her daily and went running together twice a week. And then of course the many trips, such as to the sauna and shopping. But maybe it’s also because she was so terribly ill and in incredible pain that I just made peace with it. Watching her suffer hurt much more than missing it. And I resign myself to the idea that we will be connected forever, which I firmly believe in. So I’m not in the dumps or in deep trouble, things aren’t going that bad. Very nice of course.
Fathers
My father is not doing so well anymore. He still has a few months left and nothing more to do. He is no longer allowed to drive, which now puts him in a bit of isolation, because he cannot cycle and walking is absolutely not his thing. His neck is all swollen, maybe his glands, but they can’t do anything about that. He’s not in any pain, so he’s lucky for that. And of course the forgetfulness will only get worse, just like the balance problem. He already fell once in the bathroom. And now he also has a kind of cataract epilepsy, which means he is no longer allowed to drive. In short: that doesn’t make you very happy.
My stepfather just had some nice news. His chemo was effective and the tumor in his bone was no longer visible, but he is most likely asleep. And the tumor in his bladder had shrunk a bit. Only it’s all a postponement, because things aren’t going to turn out well anymore. Today he had chemo session number 4 and he is only allowed 6 in total. So what happens next? We have no idea. But of course, that’s the way life is. In any case, we are going to England for another weekend soon, to his birthplace, so that is very nice. And he has all kinds of big plans of his own and he has to do them. Now it’s still possible!